ESTIMATED TIME OF ARRIVAL

It’s so great to have a daughter in middle school!

More and more, she and I can really talk about stuff, really connect.

As is evident in these touching emails from yesterday.

She was at Mock Trial practice after school.  She wanted to check in regarding transportation.

Dad, you are picking me up in approximately 56 minutes, correct? (3:34pm)

Sure, the tone is a little abrupt.  But hey, she wants to get home for Halloween Night.  I get it.

Forty minutes later, she sends another tender inquiry.

you’re aware that you will be picking me up in exactly 18 minutes or less, correct? (4:12pm)

Uh, yes.  I can do the math.  And I’m on my way.  But wait, hold on … another email arrives, and yes, it’s from Little Miss Timekeeper.

dad, today’s mock trial is primarily about objections, and i don’t need to know any of that. I need to get my costume on with karine and do our make-up which will take a while. The lawyer said we can be dismissed, so can you pick me up.. like now? (4:05pm)

Hmmm.  The tone is somewhat toxic.  And I’m alarmed that she thinks she “doesn’t need to know anything about” objections.  In my own experience, objections are fairly fundamental to courtroom procedure.  But what do I know?  I’m only an actual lawyer.

Still, I take the high road.  I give her the necessary information.

there in approximately 7 min (4:19pm)

And, since it’s Halloween, and I’m already in costume, I try to inject some levity.

or should i say ‘Ozzy’ will be there in 7 min? (4:20pm)

Bad move.

Lulu doesn’t like it.

Lulu senses that Dad showing up dressed as Ozzy Osbourne is potentially embarrassing.

no, no you shouldn’t, it sounds cheesy (4:22pm)

Oh does it now?  God, I wouldn’t want to cause any discomfort.  Especially with her wanting to get home ‘like now.’

Needless to say, Ozzy showed up on campus. 

He had a horrible fake English accent.  He had skull rings, fake tattoos, and a loud, buffoonish, confused manner.  He not only interrupted Mock Trial, he loudly demanded the immediate release of “ME DAUGHTER!”

Yes, it was a childish stunt.  It disrupted class.  But I think most of us can agree, the kid had it coming.

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About kittroyer

Kit Troyer lives in Los Angeles.
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7 Responses to ESTIMATED TIME OF ARRIVAL

  1. Matt says:

    Love it. Lulu’s ride shows up and she’s got a first class ticket on the “CRAAAAAAAAZY TRAIN”!

  2. OMG, that is an absolutely genius post! Too too funny!! How wonderful that you gave Lulu such a tender memory to look back on.

  3. Nancy says:

    Oh, snap!

  4. 1nsecure says:

    I trust you had Black Sabbath BLASTING in the Odyssey with the windows rolled down as you careened into the parking lot?

  5. Looking forward to the day when Lulu gets how warm and fuzzy (and truly funny) this moment was!

  6. Wrye says:

    We tend to get the parents we deserve…

  7. I would love for you to play your next game of hockey in that outfit. Yes; ice hockey is a fairly common game in England even though I figure they are not very good at it.

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